Ep. 30 | Fat Chat: Why do people still believe fatness is a choice?

In this minisode, we’re sitting down for a ‘fat chat’ and exploring WHY people still believe that being fat is simply a choice. We’ll discuss the reasons why I continue to see comments repeating the same set of fatphobic beliefs, and challenge the pervasive myth that fatness is a choice, emphasizing the impact of diet culture and the societal pressures that lead folks to pursue weight loss. My hope is that this current “thin is in” era will eventually come to an end, and we will see a shift towards fat acceptance.

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:35 Social Media and Fatphobia
06:21 Diet Cycling and Personal Experiences
10:15 Fundamental Misunderstandings of Fat Bodies
13:06 Societal Narratives and Weight Loss
17:12 Hope for Fat Acceptance and Liberation

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Transcript

Melanie Knights [she/they] (01:05)
Hello, welcome to episode 30 of the Culture of It All. Hello friends, my plus size pals, hello everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for being here. If you are new here, thank you so much for joining us. I know there are a number of new listeners and subscribers on Substack, so thank you so much for your support. I really, really appreciate it. And I really want to dive into today's conversation because I promised you a mini episode and that is what I am hoping to deliver today.

And this is a topic that has just been on my mind for a while. It's something that I didn't really think a lot about until I started making TikTok videos. So if any of you who don't know, I am pretty active on TikTok. That's kind of my active social media platform.

⁓ I only really started quote taking it seriously back in February and very quickly I was able to find a community there and it's it's it's been incredible and sad and I found incredible people on that platform and some real arseholes some real arseholes

And one of the things that it has done for me has really helped me to kind of further form my own understanding and opinions around, you know, anti-diet culture and, fat issues, I guess, is kind of the easy way to describe it. And also body image, that's been a big topic over there.

And one of the things that happens is whenever I make a video about fat issues, it doesn't matter whether I'm talking about diet culture or I'm talking about body image or my own experience. Inevitably, every video I make, there is going to be somebody who comments and that comment is always at its very core.

people assuming that being fat is a choice. And a few months ago I started noticing this more and more and I was like this is really interesting to me and I started talking about this and I was I could hear myself saying for some people fatness isn't a choice and after a number of videos I stopped and I said to myself well who do I think fatness is a choice for then?

And I thought about it and I realized that I don't think it's a choice for anyone. What was happening was the arguments were coming from people who were demonizing larger bodies and talking about larger bodies through the lens of fat phobic stereotypes.

And assuming that everyone in a larger body is fat for the same reason, assuming that they all have the same lifestyle and they all eat the same way and that of course that means that they're eating a certain type of diet. And I noticed this more and more and I was like, but there are so many factors that can lead to higher body weight. And this is something I've talked about as well. And I realized that

there was a lack of understanding, but even when I then come back and say, but there's a lot of factors and some of them have nothing to do with food, people's response is still, you know, that's a really small percentage. And I realized that I was playing into this belief that fatness is a choice, and so

When I noticed it, I made some videos just letting everyone know that I was going on record to say that no, fatness is not a choice for anybody. And this led me to start talking about diet cycling a lot more, which is my own personal experience of a higher body weight. I am pretty certain I would have always been in a larger body.

looking at my genetics, that is probably true. However, as a child, I have photos of me as a young child and I wasn't very thin, but I also wasn't in a larger body. And yet my parents' feeling was that there was a need to prevent fatness in me. And there are a lot of other...

you know, reasons why eventually they felt more concerned, and I talked about this back in episode 28 when I shared my story. But the reality is that I may have always been in a larger body, but it was really diet cycling that got me here. Because...

diet cycling or yo-yo dieting as you may may recognize it is

losing and regaining the same weight and then regaining more weight as a response to the restriction. And when I started talking about this I noticed that there were a lot of people, similar stories to mine. You my story is not unique, that's something I've said before. My story is not original, my story is not unique and that's kind of the point. I'm not the only person.

that was being taught how to count calories before they were being taught how to, you know, being taught about nutrition and nourishment. And so...

As I've kind of over the last few months been making content and really finding this incredible community, I've noticed just a number of people who still believe that being fat is a choice. Some of them may just be arseholes, as I said. They don't care, they don't want to learn, they're not there to listen and understand, they don't...

They don't care about anybody else's experience. But there are people who genuinely think that because they've experienced something, or they've not experienced something, that no one else's experience matters. There are people who often, this is a very frequent comment, which is, I used to be fat and now I'm not.

And so their line of ⁓ argument is, well, if it's a choice for me, why isn't it a choice for you?

And those comments to begin with really bothered me And I think, first of all, we know the statistics, we know the statistics of diets, know, quote unquote success rates, that 95 % of diets fail long term. So sure, there's a 5%.

I have a lot of questions about that 5%, but anyway. We know the statistics, we know the probability of somebody regaining weight. And I'm not going to get into that argument with someone, I don't think that's necessary. But at the same time, there seems to be this real loss of empathy, and like, humanity in this line of argument.

And I know that some of the most fatphobic people in society are former fat people, and I understand the reasons for that. We are terrifying for them, especially those of us who have quit dieting and have accepted their body and are living a life full of the things that we were promised would only happen when we were thin. I understand why that pisses people off.

I understand that when people come, into my comment section and argue for their weight loss, they're arguing because they had to, as they put it, work so hard. And they see it as me not being willing to do that.

Which always reminds me of Aubrey Gordon at the beginning of your Fat Friend film when she's talking about the fact that perhaps we need to consider that people have tried very hard and that's why they're in this situation. And I think, again, that's so true for a lot of us.

And so at this point it just is, it does truly baffle me that people still believe that being fat is a choice. And I kept asking myself why? You know, know, I know the history, I know the roots of it, I understand why people have this set of beliefs. But what I kind of came back to is, for as long as we are told that fatness is something we can control,

people will assume it's a choice. ⁓

Right? If we're continually being told, as we have been for decades, that we can prevent fatness, that we can control our bodies, that we can manipulate our bodies, that we can prevent ourselves from gaining weight, that we can lose weight, and that we can maintain it, as long as these narratives exist, people will continue to believe that being fat is a choice.

Now, how does the current rise of GLP-1s and weight loss surgery fit into that? I'm honestly not sure. I feel like it makes it harder.

I feel as though this rise of these medications, this rise of people talking about weight loss surgery, I don't think that weight loss surgery is something that is easy for us to... is not an easy decision and I don't think this narrative of it being the easy way out is even slightly accurate. But I do think it's become a very normal conversation now. And what concerns me about that...

is it's further demonizing fat bodies

Because the same behaviors that people in ED Recovery are trying to heal from, are the behaviors that people who are taking GLP-1s are being praised for.

And don't get me wrong, we've always lived in a society that praises weight loss, it elevates weight loss and the morality of working hard for something, right? But I think it continues to baffle me that despite our lived experiences, and the number of people who shared their experiences with me,

There are still so many people that think we're lying, right? They just don't believe me, they don't trust me, they don't think that I'm telling the truth. I don't know what they think I get out of it, but it's wild and it's just, it's been on my mind, It's been on my mind a lot.

And I guess it's left me wondering, you know, why as a society can so many people not look beyond their own bias? And I guess, you know, we're all exposed to the same fatphobic narratives and the same stereotypes and stigma that's associated with larger bodies.

even people in smaller bodies, people who've never been in a larger body. So whilst they might not have experienced any discrimination because of their body size, they still have the same set of beliefs. And I think this is why often folks in smaller bodies become incredibly defensive when I talk about fat shaming or thin privilege or when I talk about the fact that

folks in larger bodies are being discriminated against. Often I will hear, what about thin shaming? The thing is, we're all exposed to the same set of beliefs. We can all experience poor body image.

Thin shaming is bullying. Fat shaming is systemic discrimination.

And yes, people will also experience body dysmorphia and body image issues and distorted eating. But I think what we're often trying to highlight is the way that thin bodies are treated within society, the access that they have compared to those of us in fat bodies. And this is why, despite all of the work I do, despite all of my feelings, despite being anti-diet, I understand why people want to pursue thinness.

I understand people's desire to pursue weight loss. It doesn't mean I agree with it. It doesn't mean I have any desire to do it, but I've not forgotten what it feels like. I've not forgotten how much I didn't like myself. And that's one of the reasons I started this show. It's one of the reasons why I create the content I do and use my voice because

The few people that come into my comments arguing with me, for the people who want to tell me that I'm spreading misinformation or causing people harm by telling them that diets don't work, there are literally thousands of people who need to be reminded that there is a life outside of diet culture.

folks who are on their own anti-diet journey, if you will, and trying to unlearn the harms of diet culture. They're trying to figure out their own style, how to take care of that fat body, how to respect their body, how to learn to be neutral or maybe even love their fat body. That isn't an easy task, especially not right now.

especially not right now. And so I get it. I get why people pursue thinness. I think that one of the things that stands out to me is that pursuing intentional weight loss, there is like a, there's like a comfort zone there. It's really uncomfortable, but there's comfort in the discomfort, right? It's that idea that we're going back to this thing that we recognize.

We know what to expect. We don't know what to expect with body neutrality. We don't know what to expect with intuitive eating.

the idea that you could be neutral about your body...

You know, that never even occurred to me.

And so I think underneath it all, understand why people, I don't like it, and I think some of them are just arseholes, but I understand why people want to fight for their weight loss because...

it's something that feels like it's protecting them and I get that but I'm also not going to be their punching bag

and

But my only solution is that we keep speaking up. We keep fighting. We keep speaking up. We keep telling people. Because I do believe, and I could be wrong, but I do believe that this current "thin is in" era will end.

And my hope is that we will have some semblance of not body positivity, but hopefully fat acceptance, and hopefully fat liberation.

In the meantime, I will keep showing up in your ears. So I told you this would be a mini episode. I hope that this has been an interesting conversation. If you have any thoughts, please feel free to let me know in the comments. If you feel that this episode is something that, you know, your community or somebody you know would love to

benefit from, please feel free to share it with them. I appreciate you so much.

If you have any topic ideas or anything you would love me to discuss, please feel free to send those my way as well. Thank you so much for being here. I will see you next time, friends.