Ep. 32 | 3 Unexpected Lessons From Ditching Diets

This summer has been exceptionally warm and this time of year always reminds me of the unexpected lessons I’ve learned since ditching diets and divesting from diet culture. The lessons that had nothing to do with food or movement, and everything to do with my body image and the unrealistic beauty standards laid out by the patriarchy. You’ll hear 3 of these lessons today, and I’ll also be touching on the ways in which diets can be socially isolating and how this affects our lives.

Chapters:

00:00 Misconceptions Of Ditching Diets

06:43 Lesson One: Caring for my fat body

14:57 Lesson Two: Embracing My Body & Being Visible

20:10 Lesson Three: Missing Out On Life

25:37 Finding Freedom Beyond Diet Culture

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Transcript

Melanie Knights [she/they] (00:00)
Hello, friends. Welcome back to The Culture of It All. Welcome to episode 32. Hello, my plus size pals. Hello, everybody. If you are new here, thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. I appreciate you for subscribing, listening in. Thank you for being here.

In today's episode, I am going to be sharing with you three unexpected lessons from ditching diets. These are lessons that I have discovered. And the reason I think this is important is because there are a lot of misconceptions about quitting diets, a lot of misconceptions around being anti-diet and what that means. And of course, it's going to look different for everybody, but so much of it is more than just the diets themselves.

There's so much more that goes into ditching diets and being anti-diet than simply just what we eat. And I was thinking about this episode and the irony is that it's actually a lifestyle change. You know that so many people talk about their diets as lifestyle changes and it's just a diet and

When you actually quit dieting, there is a lifestyle change because for most of us, dieting has become a lifestyle. Dieting is the lifestyle that many of us grew up with, many of us were used to. It was this kind of constant cycle. And so when you quit dieting, yeah, it is a lifestyle change. It is a quote unquote, wake up call. These things that people throw at me on a regular basis as insults or

you know, reasons why I've got it wrong or I'm making a mistake or I'm lying to myself, whatever it is they think about me that day. The irony is, yeah, actually, you know, I had a wake up call and I changed my lifestyle and I quit dieting. And I think it's really important for us to highlight the fact that this is a big choice. It is a big decision. It is uncomfortable. is scary because it is the unknown. And one of the reasons

I think that it can be really overwhelming is because you see it for what it was and you see it for what it is. You start to see the ways in which diet culture and the diet industry have continued to control, not just how you feel about your body, but the decisions you make and the way in which you make those decisions. You you see it for what it was. You start to, I always say once you see it, you can't unsee it. And...

It takes time to process a lot of this and it is inevitably going to impact other areas of your life. But I don't think that means that we should be afraid of making those decisions. But it is important to have, you know, a support network or to know that even if you have online communities that you can be a part of, it's really important to find those people because this is a lot. It's a lot. And sometimes it can feel very...

very much like you're alone. And especially right now because, you know, the world is currently a dumpster fire and also that means that everyone wants to be thin. So when I started intuitive eating back in 2022,

I had expectations around my goals, what I was going to achieve, what success, you know, what quote unquote success would look like by pursuing intuitive eating. What I realized very quickly is that a lot of the expectations I had were actually still diet culture related. I think I've talked about this before, but I very much thought that I could quit dieting and I still expected my body to be smaller than it was. I still assumed

that there was going to be some kind of, I guess, kind of control that I could apply without it being a diet and that that would somehow change my body I think my expectations were different than they had been previously, but they were still very much diet culture related.

So today I'm gonna be sharing with you three of the unexpected lessons that I've come across since Ditching Diets. And I actually used to share a lot of lessons like this on social media. It was a series that used to do. And maybe I'll bring them back after this episode. I think a lot of those videos are really old and it was a time when I didn't really have much of a community online or on Substack. So yeah, maybe I'll bring them back. Let me know if you would like to see

those videos again on TikTok and on Substack because I will gladly bring those back and start sharing more of these, these lessons that I've learned.

Before we get into today's episode, a quick reminder that you can subscribe to the Culture of It All on Substack by heading to cultureofitallpod.substack.com forward slash subscribe and choose the free or paid plan. Subscribers get early access to episodes, regular bonuses, including creative resources, blogs, videos, and more. You can also join me over on TikTok at Melanie Knights, where we explore what it really means to ditch diet culture whilst living life in a larger body.

I share the good, the bad and the fatphobia. You'll find fashion and the style inspiration, casual outfits and all of my fat positive thoughts.

Okay, so let's get into these unexpected lessons from ditching diets. The first one is that I didn't know how to take care of my fat body. I didn't know how to take care of my fat body, which I found really confusing because for the most part, I've always been fat. I've always been somewhere on the fat spectrum. I've always existed in a larger body of some kind and...

I didn't realise that I didn't know how to take care of my body.

I didn't have a personal hygiene routine specific for my fat body. I didn't know that there were products that you could use specifically when you're in a larger body. I hadn't ever really thought about mobility or access. And I think this is for a few reasons. The first is I had a lot of internalised fat phobia. So even when I was in a larger body,

and pursuing intentional weight loss, I always saw my body size as something to be ashamed of. I was disappointed, I felt guilt, I was ashamed of it, and it always felt as though it was something I was going to be able to change. For decades, I believed that this was just temporary. At some point, I was going to quote unquote, figure it out.

I was going to achieve success, which meant thinness. I was going to have this body that I had always dreamt about, this body that I'd always believed I could work for. This body that I believed was somewhere inside of me, so to speak. So because of that, everything was temporary. I didn't think that I should take care of my body in its larger

form because why would I do that? Why would we take care of something that we don't want? Why would we take care of something that we don't care about? Why would we take care of something that we perceive is going to change, whether it's in a month, a few months, a year,

When we believe that we can simply change our bodies and that they can be smaller, there are plenty of things that we put off. For me, a lot of it was self-care and practices like that. I remember I would never lotion my body. I would never apply moisturiser because I'd always be like, I'm just going to wait until I've lost some weight. It'll be easier when I'm smaller. There's less surface area.

And now I look back and I'm like, that's a wild thing to think. It's a wild thing to say to myself because...

that feels like such a silly little thing to put off just because I believed that my body size was temporary and it makes me stop and think how many other things did I put off because I wasn't thin.

And one of the things that naturally happened, the more I divested from diet culture and as I started intuitive eating, is I was not only looking for bodies that looked like mine, I wasn't just looking for larger bodies and diverse bodies. I was also doing research and very naturally from following fat communities and fat creators and fat writers, I would naturally come across resources with fat folks in mind.

This was completely new to me, completely new. Even though I had spent 20 something years in a larger body, having resources designed for fat folks, resources designed for fat folks that weren't filled with shame and guilt, they weren't filled with disappointment. It wasn't about changing your body. It was about embracing your body. It was about learning to love, respect and honor your body. This was new. This was very, very new for me.

I think I've talked about this in a previous episode that after the lockdowns, the first holiday that my family booked, I remember thinking I'm gonna need a seatbelt extender. I hadn't ever used a seatbelt extender prior to 2020. I just remember feeling like this is something I'm going to need.

I just knew inevitably this is something I'm going to need. I read lots of blogs and resources from fat travel bloggers and social media folk. I felt pretty comfortable and prepared in what I needed to do. I bought and take my own seatbelt extender with me, but I've never had to use it because...

I don't mind asking for one and I've experienced very different... ⁓ the way in which the cabin crew will approach my request is different depending on the airline.

But for the most part, it's been fine. And even in the moments where it hasn't felt fine because of somebody else's bullshit, that's their stuff. That's their problem. It's not really mine. And if they can't handle it, then you know, they need some training.

So even asking for a seatbelt extender for me, feels like, you know, that feels like self care. It's taking care of myself. It's a way in which I can take care of my fat body and my health and my self care.

So yeah, I didn't know how to take care of my fat body. I didn't have a personal hygiene routine. I, you know, didn't have deodorants that worked well for me or right for me. I hadn't really spent the time to figure that stuff out because why would I? Why would you spend time figuring out how to take care of a body that you don't want to honor and respect?

And this is one of the reasons why I highlight body neutrality and body respect so often, because again, we think that we're going to go from hating ourselves to loving ourselves, but there's so many different ways we can feel about our bodies in between. And what I've discovered is that when we find that middle ground and when we consider respecting our bodies, that it opens up so many more things. It opens up so many more...

routines and processes, it kind of shows us how we treated our bodies previously. You know, we shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty of the fact that we didn't treat our bodies well because we have to also remember why that was the case. You know, it's not our fault, it's not an individual fault, it's a system that's designed to make us feel less than. And so when we can unpack that and then replace that with a respect for our bodies,

it unlocks so many other ways in which we can take care of ourselves. And this is one of the reasons why I get so angry about this idea that, you know, because I'm anti-diet, I'm anti-health, or the fact that people just think I'm lying to myself and I must be miserable and I obviously don't take care of myself. And I'm like, that couldn't be farther from the truth. The reality is that for me, when I was trying to lose weight, when I was in a smaller body,

I didn't take care of myself.

my mental and emotional health were really not great. It wasn't just about the physical because again health should be about more than just our physical health. But yeah and I think this is a great time to just remind you that I did put together last year a personal hygiene self-care routine for folks in larger bodies. I will link to that in the show notes. It is available on Substack.

The second unexpected lesson is that I don't need to cover up my fat body. I don't need to cover up my fat body. It's the height of summer and many of us are uncomfortably hot right now. And I've been thinking about this a lot because a lot of the time around the house, especially like in the evenings, I will be wearing like little shorts and a bra or a crop top because I'm hot.

and I want to stay as cool as possible. A years ago that wasn't the case. It wouldn't matter if it was really warm, I would still cover my body up, even around my own house. I wouldn't wear shorts, I wouldn't have my arms out, I certainly wouldn't wear a bikini on holiday. And I don't think these decisions were really mine. I even remember as a young person, like, I didn't...

really wear vests, I hated wearing shorts. And it was mostly because I'd formulated these rules around how I should dress my body. From a very young age, they'd been handed down to me. And it felt like everything was designed to flatter me. know, clothing was designed to...

hide my perceived flaws. It should be loose but not too loose. It shouldn't be patterned or brightly coloured. We don't want to draw attention to those areas. Everything was designed to try and avoid people realising that I was in a larger body. And as someone who loves fashion and has always loved fashion, I'm really sad that this was the case because it also feels like I missed out on so much.

It feels like I didn't get to experiment and find my style as a young person. And now in my late 30s, I'm finally getting to play with fashion in the way that I always wanted. Of course, it's that much harder because my options are being taken away on a regular basis. But I'm really fortunate that I have been able to curate a wardrobe of pieces that I really love.

But I digress. I don't need to cover up my fat body. I know that there are a lot of incredibly cruel anti-fat, fatphobic people out there. I know it's not easy. And I know that our insecurities are much deeper than just, you know, wear the damn thing, just fuck it, who cares?

I get those kind of sentiments, but it's not as easy as that. And at the same time, I want to say that...

these anti-fat and fat phobic beliefs about us covering up our bodies, that is a them problem. That is a them problem. And we do not have to hide our bodies. I believe we should allow our bodies to be comfortable, Keep ourselves as comfortable as possible in this hot weather. Products, Personal hygiene products.

products that going to help us stay dry or comfortable. And also it's okay for us to show some skin. It's okay for us to allow our bodies to be seen. One of the questions I often ask myself is, do I actually feel uncomfortable in this piece of clothing or this outfit? Or is it that people's opinions will make me feel uncomfortable?

I think it's really important to discern between those two things. Sometimes it is that I feel uncomfortable. There are certain things that I still just don't really want to wear. They're not something I have any interest in wearing and they also physically make me feel uncomfortable, as in my body feels uncomfortable. And that's fine. Doesn't mean it's always going to be that way. I'm open to that changing. And also sometimes

It ain't about me, you know? Sometimes it isn't about me. It's actually not my opinion. It doesn't belong to me and I actually don't care and I wear the thing anyway. I think the one I feel most passionate about when it comes to this is having my belly outline on show. I used to be so afraid of my belly.

Like it being even slightly visible as if like, my gosh, I have a stomach.

And like, there's no reason for me to really feel like I can't have the outline of my belly on show because it's not going anywhere. And yeah, sometimes I still feel a little bit insecure about it, but for the most part, I'm like, free the belly. Let it be on show. Let it be comfortable and visible even in this hot weather.

The third unexpected lesson from Ditching Diets is that I was missing out on so much of my life by pursuing intentional weight loss. I was missing out on so much of my life by pursuing intentional weight loss. And this lesson is kind of, why I created this episode because I was recently reminded of how

socially isolating, dieting can be. Somebody tried to tell me that it's not the case and I was like, I think it is. I think it is. For me, when I was pursuing intentional weight loss and dieting, it was socially isolating in a number of ways. I didn't have any hobbies.

And I'm not just saying that, like, I genuinely didn't have any hobbies for years.

I didn't have hobbies and interests. And I felt so much guilt and shame about this. But what I recall is being in my late teens and into my 20s and I was looking for jobs and on the application forms at that point, it was very common. And I don't know if it's still the case, but it was very common that they would have this like

What are your other interests outside of work? I hated that question. I hated being asked what my hobbies were because I didn't have any. I didn't know what to write. I would have to lie. And I remember so often I'd be like, pursuing weight loss?

I didn't call it that, I just call it dieting, but like it took up so much of my time. It took up so much of my life, so much of my energy, so much of my resources. I didn't have the time or space to do anything else. It was the one thing that I knew how to do or I thought I knew how to do.

That's why I made it my career. You know? The funny thing is now I really hate it when people ask you what do do for a living. I always want to come back with that TikTok sound of like, my best. I do my best. Because life is very different now.

I did a trend recently on TikTok where you had this piece of audio that said, when you think about me and you were, we were sharing images of ourselves with lots of things that you should think about when you think about us as individuals. And as I started to list all of the things, I was like, wow, there are so many things that I'm interested in. There are so many things I love. There are so many things I'm passionate about. There are so many things that people think of me.

or think of when they think of me.

And yeah, it was just a silly little TikTok trend, but for me it meant a lot. It was really seeing how different my life is now. When I have the space to be interested in things, it doesn't even have to be a hobby. It's just things I'm interested in, things I can read about, things I follow online, things I'm passionate about. I didn't have the space to be passionate and interested in things when I was pursuing intentional weight loss.

Because when I was in it, I was in it. And when I wasn't in it, I was thinking about getting back to it. know, that was the cycle. And for me, it was socially isolating.

You know, I felt like I didn't deserve to socialise. I felt like I didn't deserve to go out. There was a lot of guilt and shame around going out. I felt insecure. I would punish myself before and after.

and even going out would require so much mental and emotional strategy. I would have to think a great deal about what I was going to do and what I was going to eat. It was exhausting. And so in many cases it just felt easier not to bother.

And this is one of the reasons why there are so many things that we don't talk about when it comes to pursuing diets and intentional weight loss. this social isolation,

the way in which it kind of takes over your entire life, we don't talk about that enough.

The fact that the diet industry encourages us to pursue intentional weight loss because we will then have these like full and rich lives is laughable because in most cases

We are just stuck in this cycle of misery. We are stuck pursuing something that is inevitably going to not work and is inevitably going to keep us trapped and unhappy.

And it's why I'm so passionate about this stuff because I'm just like, if we can figure out this was never about health, if we can realize that our bodies were never the problem.

There is so much freedom outside of diets and diet culture. There is so much life to be lived.

And I think, again, this is why these lessons are so important to share because they're not about food. It's not about what you eat or, you know, the way we move our bodies. All the things that diet culture and the diet industry tells us it's about, it really isn't. And there are so many things that we don't see until we're on the other side of it.

So yeah, I think I'm probably gonna bring back that series and start sharing more of these unexpected lessons because we need to talk about this. And I really wanna support you all as much as I can. And I know that inevitably when I speak up, I piss off the fatphobes and that's fine. But I don't really wanna give them as much airtime as perhaps they expect. But I hope that this episode has shone some light on the ways in which

dieting impacts our entire lives. It is the culture of it all. And there's so much freedom outside of diet culture and the diet industry.

So thank you so much for joining me for this week's episode. I hope that you have enjoyed it. If you are listening on Substack, please feel free to join the chats. You can leave a comment, share or subscribe. And if you're listening everywhere else, hello, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. You can also subscribe to the show over on Substack, meaning that these episodes will land in your inbox a week earlier. And you can also follow the show in app.

You can join our chat. You'll see other content from me over on Substack. And yeah, there's going to be creative bonuses and resources coming very soon. These are things I'm going to be working on over the summer, getting ready for my favourite time of year. I will see you next week for episode number 33. Until next time, friends.